How Coda Has Transformed My Life:
I believe I came into this world codependent, learning all of the tricks of its deadly grasp by my mother and father. To this day, she is terrified of her own shadow , and constantly attempting to control every aspect of her three daughter's lives. My father has always enabled her, controlling and manipulating behavior, never breaking free enough to become himself.
As the eldest, I was always a perfectionist, a straight A seeker, an eternal people pleaser. At first it was trying to placate the desires of my parents, then I moved on to men. For years, I languished in dead end, emotionally abusive relationships. I lost my sense of self, and self worth. I spent long hours trying to fix emotionally crippled men who resisted me with a vengeance. I became a chameleon, contorting my moods and wants and needs to perversely match theirs. I spent long, agonizing years immersed in depression, worry, guilt and hate. I hid behind a false veneer of perpetual cheerfulness.
Then ... about 7 years ago, my vocal coach, David T, introduced me to CoDA. Never a group oriented person, always the loner, I resisted. However, to my surprise, I found an enormous peace that very first meeting. I have remained connected with the fellowship of CoDA ever since, going through the process of the twelve steps as I often as I need.
About three months ago, I found myself devastated by yet another failed relationship. Those codependent strings tugged deeply and I found myself once again, feeling very insecure. Yet this time, instead of reverting to self destructive behaviors, I chose another avenue: I started a Wednesday night CoDA meeting in my hometown. I cannot tell you how much the meeting has helped me and others. It feels so tremendous to give, and to listen, and to share. CoDA has transformed my life. I am learning to trust my Higher Power more and more........