Hi. My name is H.A. and I am in recovery for codependency.
I’m from a large Irish-Catholic family. The dysfunction in my home was present for many years. It was because of MY CHOICES to these conditions that my behavior became codependent and alcoholic.
It’s only since joining CoDA and learning the Patterns & Characteristics of codependency that I could identify these issues in my own life. We can’t know what we don’t know. I was in recovery for alcoholism for decades before I accepted I was ill with codependency.
My bottom came when I realized I was working 10 to 12 hours a day to renovate my partner’s home using my own money for materials and labor. The overspending manifest in financial gifts and free labor for my partner and was a 6 year pattern.
The little catch to my bottom is that I have a number of chronic, physical illnesses that limit my capacity to work. I was literally working myself to death and couldn’t stop. I was trying to buy love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging. I could not tolerate being in my home by myself because the quiet allowed me to feel how much I hated myself.
Because I had given up so much of me to this relationship, I felt I didn’t have the inner strength to get out of this toxic relationship and wasn’t even sure it was the right decision. I started attending CoDA meetings. Within 2 months, I could take responsibility for my own choices and behaviors. I found the strength to admit my codependency AND to get out of the partnership. I’ve been in CoDA recovery for almost 3 years.
I’m not able to attend CoDA Meetings in person as often as I’d like. I met my Sponsor at a CoDA retreat. We’ve been working the Steps and focusing on implementing the recovery tools into daily practice. I also have signed-up for online CoDA meetings.
SLOWLY, I see my progress in CoDA and my Sponsor reminds me of the recovery changes evident in me. Some of the gifts: 1) I do not rely on people as heavily for my spiritual-emotional-mental wellbeing. 2) My reliance on my Higher Power has improved. 3) I am learning to recognize triggers for codependent behaviors and respond in a more healthy way. 4) Being emotionally honest with others and setting boundaries remains a struggle but I see progress. 5) I am less judgmental & critical when I make mistakes. 6) I’ve worked Steps 1. 2. 3 and am preparing for Step 4.
I’m grateful to the CoDA Program, my Sponsor, my Higher Power and to myself for knowing I’m worth receiving the gifts of recovery.
H.A. – 02/27/2017