Co-dependency has ruled my life for 62 years. I was attached to someone, giving all I was and forgetting about my needs. I seemed to end up with takers that would take advantage of my kindness. I also thought that I wouldn’t be loved if I didn’t do for others. When love did not get returned I became depressed and did a lot of negative self talk. I really didn’t know there was a type of living that was called co-dependent. I married a co-dependent and he was all about me and I revolved my life around him. That seemed perfect until he passed 5 years ago. I did not have any identity of my own. I was lost. I had been caregiving for years wrapped around this man and now he was gone. I just didn’t know what to do with my time or who to turn to in my life. I was panicked and had to find someone to love again. Consequently I made a year of mistakes. Wrong relationships.
I got some counseling and found God. It wasn’t until this 5th year after the death of my husband that I have become comfortable with being just myself. I walk in the Lord daily. I am assessing a relationship with a guy I have known for three years.
I thought I would never get to the point to say I am okay to be me and not have to settle for so little in life. I respect myself now and made peace with my past. My PTSD from the abuse is healing. I live in the present moment. I am doing good things for myself and others in a balanced way. God has put me on a renewed path. My identity is a child of God. I am never alone. God and good doctors, loving friends and family and CoDA have brought me back from the abyss of what my life horrors were like. I see the light and have the freedom to know and be me. Thanks for letting me share and give hope to others.
Barb M. January 2nd, 2020