Here I sit at the end of yet another romantic relationship ravaged by addiction and all its tenant sufferings. The irony is after being in recovery for a decade, I thought I had finally found a healthy person to fully partner with. As I’ve just discovered, he too has untreated mental illness, untreated addiction and pent up childhood abuse and trauma, like many of the men I’ve chosen all my life. The most beautiful part of this most recent break up is I haven’t lost myself or my life. I’ve had to rebuild from nothing before, rebuild my sense of self, my friendships, my self-esteem, and while the relationship may not have worked out, the progress is I have more dignity and self-respect today than ever, and I can walk away with grace from situations and people that do not serve me.
I’m grateful for CODA and for a long and slow recovery that has brought me to the point of knowing sacrificing my safety and myself with the hopes of helping someone else is my codependency talking. I am worthy of safe, stable love and today, I can give that to myself.
Sara D – 6/30/21 Long Beach, NY