Co-NNections Recovery Stories

Who I Am A Choicemaker


Who I Am: A Choicemaker

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Who I am: A Choicemaker


I’m
35 and now a father. I know that you’ve been used to thinking of me as
your “child” but, now that I have my own child, I need to be a parent
and to be treated as an adult. That is, I need you to respect my
choices.
If my choice leads to an error, it will be my mistake. If I
make a mistake, it will be my correction that I have to make. If I
succeed, it will be my success. If I don’t succeed, it will be me who
learns. No one else has to worry about it — I’m an adult. An adult who
is fully willing to take responsibility for his actions. I am a
responsible adult.
If I would like to get your input on a choice
that I will make, I may ask you for it. If I feel stuck, I may ask what
you would do or I may not ask. Whatever you say, I may do it or not do
it. However, if I’m not feeling stuck, I find unsolicited advice as
nothing but annoying chatter. Annoying because it assumes that I have a
problem. Annoying because I feel distrusted. Annoying because it makes
me feel as though I’m not responsible. Annoying because it makes me
feel like a child.
What happens if you think that I have a problem?
No one else has to worry about it — I’m a capable, responsible
individual. I am a capable, responsible adult. If I think that I have a
problem, maybe I’ll let you know or, maybe I won’t. It’s my choice.
However,
if you still think that I have a problem, I’d much rather you assume
that I can figure it out. I’d much rather you trust that I can work it
out. I’d much rather you trust that, if I’m feeling trapped, I will
gladly check out your advice. I’d much rather you trust that I am — an
adult. An adult who can figure out what is best for him. An adult who
can figure out what is best for his house. An adult who can consult
with whom he feels most comfortable. An adult who can figure out what
is spiritually beneficial for himself. An adult who can figure out
solutions to errors. An individual who can figure out what is best for
him.
I need you to respect my choices. I need you to respect my
choices that are the same as your choices. I need you to respect the
choices that are different from yours. I am who I am. I am who I will
be. I am who I was. I am what I choose. I am what I chose. I am what I
will choose. I need you to respect my choices. I need you to respect…
me.

Bryan V. (1999)

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