Since I started recovery I have had to do a lot of letting go. Letting go of people and events especially, but also resentments and negative thinking. Letting go is hard for me because it creates a hole in my life, in my day, in my thoughts. This is normal, not crazy or codependent. What I used to do is fill the hole with something not healthy: food, someone else, work, etc. In recovery I’ve learned to fill that hole with ME. I still get the thought that pops into my head about that person or event, but I notice it and do something to remove it. Sometimes I close my eyes and think about erasing it like a whiteboard. Other times I put it in an imaginary helium balloon and let go of the string. Then I say to myself, "What would I be doing right now if that person (event) didn’t exist?" This helps me to focus on me and do so intentionally with a thoughtful response instead of a quick reaction which is usually an unhealthy, mind-numbing, even additive behavior just to make the pain stop. Each day that goes by I notice that I erase the whiteboard less and less and use fewer imaginary balloons. Then there’s a week that goes by and I suddenly realize that I haven’t had those thoughts to let go of. What a joy to realize I filled my life with my life! Of course I don’t just use that technique. I am still attending my meetings, reading recovery literature every day. Connecting with my Higher Power of Unconditional Love for me. Being easy and gentle with myself. All this brings me back to sanity.
Sherry A – 5/8/16