THE GARBAGE CAN

Garbage can, why are you so full? I’m sure I can fit a little bit more. Keep pushing it down, stuffing it in, surely you will never end. Why do I fill you, why does more fit? Because you are my comfort and my deepest confidence.

You’re all that I know, you’re safe metal walls. I know that you’ll be there whenever I fall. I use you, you’re safe, you’re the treasure within. I cannot let go of you, regardless of sin.

But truthfully garbage can, when I wonder of light. I know I can’t see it, you’re too stuffed with my might. To never face feelings to never have sadness. To never face fear, rejection; just madness.

That makes you so full that I try with much strife. To never let you empty for fear of the gripe. That maybe I’m not worth it, if I let the pieces out, That fills up the walls; that fills me with doubt.

Just one more piece, just get the heck in! Garbage can don’t break, you’re made out of tin. But I am a human and the anger spills out, And then I get ugly and punch, shout and pout.

The feelings overwhelm me, there is no hope in sight. Why did I open you, why see the light? No one will listen, everyone will get mad. I can’t have what I want, need and cannot be glad.

But what if there’s a better way, one that fills me with peace? What if I can find a better tool that can go in your place? What if I let myself share feelings without fear? What if I set boundaries that kept safe people near?

I could be an authentic person one that deals with today. I don’t have to harbor the hurts of yesterday. I could share everyday in the moment and know. That being me is a gift, no faking a show.

Is it possible I ask, that I don’t need you to be? My crutch and my confident that only hurts me? I will empty you out till the bottom is clear. Till I can see what I’m missing and face all my fear.

Do I deserve so much better? I think that I do! It’s my job to protect me and piece feelings with glue. I’m worth all this effort I don’t need to be blue. I’m finally serene, I can finally be true.

To those who are safe for me they’ll know what I need. I’ll tell them and praise them and trust them indeed. For those who won’t be there and hurt me get lost. I finally see I’m worth it and you can get lost!

 

Cindy G. 3/9/16