My name is Kate, and I am codependent. Those words seem so simple and strong, which is in stark contrast to the way I feel on my journey at times.
I started CoDA 3 months ago when a coworker mentioned it to me. It has since been something I look forward to each and every week. I’m new to 12 step programs in general, but am loving the program in its entirety.
My codependency is deeply rooted in my childhood having grown up with an alcoholic and narcotic abusing older brother and having severely codependent parents attend to him. I learned from a young age to push my own feelings down and aside to make room for the traumatic happenings of my family.
After my divorce last year I began a serious relationship much too soon after. I realized I had no healthy coping mechanisms and no true sense of self to provide to my new partner, who eventually left.
After the compiled heartbreaks I realized how warped my sense of self was. I struggled with self-negativity daily. I verbally abused myself – someone who didn’t even have an identity. I didn’t know how to be on my own after being in a long term relationship since young adulthood. I didn’t even know who I was thanks to my codependent behavior. To say my life had become unmanageable was an understatement. I couldn’t even accurately identify how I felt
CoDA came at the perfect time, and it has provided me with so much strength to work on myself. While I am very much new to CoDA, I am equally newly aware of myself for the first time in a long time. I cherish the things I’ve learned so far – they help me recognize codependent behaviors and thoughts and patterns so much more quickly. I look forward to continuing the process and growing in myself and my independence.
I am grateful to this program; it is giving me an opportunity to live a balanced and healthy life.
Kate W. 12/19/2016