Co-NNections Recovery Stories

Maureen 5-16-17

I’ve worked a lot on my codependency and find that the relationship between employee and boss is the hardest to navigate for me. It is even harder because I believe my boss is a codependent not in recovery. The more I travel down the journey of recovery, the more I find myself frustrated over what to do.
I’ve done a lot of research but haven’t found anything that described what I was experiencing. I decided I just needed to sit down and write my own story that would hopefully help others.
Most articles I found relating to a boss’s codependency describe the boss as insecure or narcissistic (I think they don’t understand codependency?). This definition doesn’t fit my boss. I would describe my boss as a control freak who has to do everything her way, doesn’t listen, and talks over you and tells you how to do your job. After describing situations in the workplace, my therapist described my boss to me as "out of control with a high need to be in control." This description is helpful because I use it as a reminder when things get crazy.
I have tried to set boundaries and failed miserably! After a situation I didn’t agree with, I gave her honest, direct, respectful feedback (thanks to my work in CoDA). She could not accept it and took it personally. She went out of her way to be in my personal space and had no boundaries.
So, after searching and researching, I came upon this simple fact: I do not have to do anything. If you read the "In This Moment Daily Meditations," the January 7 meditation taught me this:
"In This Moment, I do not have to do anything."
"When I am faced with a painful reality, when I don’t like the plan, I reach into my heart and remember my Higher Power’s plan is greater than any I could imagine. I ask for help in coming to acceptance. I look to Steps One, Two and Three, and realize I am powerless. I have made a decision to believe in a Higher Power and I have decided to turn my will and my life over to this Higher Power. In so doing, I am relieved of the pressure to do something. I live in the moment and accept what is."
I love my job and the people I work with. My boss isn’t a monster and she doesn’t behave badly every day. She’s just a codependent who hasn’t found recovery. I believe that I can co-exist with a codependent boss in a job that I love by practicing the tools that I have learned in CoDA and by reminding myself each and every day that I don’t have to do anything – I don’t have to react. I can live in the moment, accept what is and be thankful that I have a good job that I love.
Maureen R 

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