Co-NNections Recovery Stories

The Loss of Higher Power – 12-4-18

The Loss of Higher Power.

When I came to CoDA I had an unspoken struggle with Higher Power.

I lost Higher Power and it was the biggest loss of myself in life.

Eventually I decided to pretend I believed in Higher Power, because I needed hope.

I used to love the Silence. I would set my alarm for 3 am, get up, get on my prayer stool, and meditate.

Afterwards writing would pour out of me.

Discipline of the heart does not allow for electronic distraction.

Recently I stayed with someone who was addicted to watching movies; I was, too.

Together we decided to set our alarms, get up before dawn, and meditate.

We decided we would make electronic silence in our lives.

Her house was filled with her symbols of her Higher Power, so I made do. I folded my hands, got on my knees, amid her symbols, and adored my lost Higher Power who was so different from hers. 

She told me to concentrate on my breathing; I think it was something I had forgotten to do, and as I remembered that, Silence came into my heart.

Higher Power had not lost me.  I had lost myself.

All I needed to do was to be still and listen to the Silence.

Finally I can say I accept—maybe even love—Step Three.

Maria S 

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