Co-NNections Recovery Stories

Self-love Deficit Disorder

Self-love Deficit Disorder

Codependency and sex and love addiction appear to be related according to a prominent writer who wrote about these subjects. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I concur based on my own personal experience. 

I have gone to all the support groups that I felt appropriate: ACA, SLAA, S-Anon, and SA and now CoDA. I was involved with a sex addict, a narcissist, a codependent and other dysfunctional types of people. I think I have been around the block and then some. I arrived at the conclusion that borders are blurry, and people switch dysfunctions and sides of the road. What am I recovering from? What am I recovering to? 

My life has not been a walk in the park but whose was? The source of my problem was lack of self-love and separation from God. 

I looked for love in boyfriends and idolized them. That did not bring me the happiness that I was looking for. Now I recognize that love has always been here in my heart, but my heart was asleep. I am waking from a dream and my heart awoke, too. I cry now because it dawns on me how beautiful life is, and I am alive. I can live and I can be loving, lovable and I can love the self and others. 

Love makes life worth living. My bunny running in the morning to fetch breakfast makes my heart rise. My canary trying to compose songs at sunrise makes me smile. It is all about love. I am going to answer my own questions here. What am I recovering from? Lack of self-love. What am I recovering to? Loving myself. I cried and grieved the childhood I never had. I accept now. I am not in denial and I have grieved enough. I am enough, I have enough, and I do enough. I can just be idle and rest in God knowing that I am enough.

Bo S. – 7/12/19

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