As a codependent who has been gradually letting old behaviors go for many years I find the term “character defect” offensive. I know that it is the lingo we use in this program. However, defect has a quality of blame or negativity about it that I no longer find useful.
The codependent behaviors that I want to drop were at one time valuable behaviors that helped me to survive in a hostile environment as a child or young person. So I prefer to think of codependent behaviors as behaviors I no longer need to use because I am beyond just surviving now and want to enjoy optimal emotional and behavioral health to the greatest extent that I can…now!
My growth and development has been a “move forward” at each stage in life. For children in safe and protective environments that growth occurs with little consciousness as it occurs. For myself, growing up in environments that ignored my needs or actively harmed me, these areas of growth and development occur later in life and with much more consciousness. I deserve to be commended for my willingness to look inside myself and to keep the healing process going, without blame to anyone else, if possible. I may need to work through anger but blame is usually not necessary in the long run. Self-blame is self-defeating and blaming others is a waste of my energy.
So in closing may I say that still at the age of 77 years, I am growing and still learning more and more positive versions of Who I Am.
Love, Kathi G. – 8/18/19