I lost a friend to suicide this week, and even though it was devastating and upsetting it hasn’t debilitated me and I can see the Higher Power and my program of Codependents Anonymous at work. 

I also lost a friend a couple years back who was like a daughter to me.  The only way I knew to get through it was to numb it with alcohol. I abused alcohol so badly that I had to spend five months in the hospital fighting for my life. The past year and a half I have been abstinent from alcohol and have been getting stronger every day. I’ve also been working on the codependent core issues that landed me in the ICU last year. 

When I got the news this week that my friend had hanged herself, I cried so hard and so loud that I scared the dog and cat and they ran and hid. I then realized I needed help and called my sponsor.

I got myself to one meeting after another and didn’t isolate like I did before being a member of CoDA. I made sure I ate and stayed hydrated and kept up my cirrhosis medications so that I could remain physically strong. I left my phone at home and took the dog for a nice walk to decompress and help calm the dog who was very worried about me. On the walk it was just about the dog and talking to my Higher Power.

This would have gone badly if I hadn’t been working on my core issues in CoDA. I felt a sense of calmness inside and an inner knowing that everything was going the way it should. However, I felt guilty about the calmness and told my husband and his reply was that the reason for the calmness was my program and the work I’ve been doing on myself as well as the open channel to my Higher Power. For this I am grateful. Thank you Codependents Anonymous for giving me a new way to live and thanks to my Higher Power for the chance to do the work that will aid me in fully embracing life.

Pamela W. July 27th, 2019