I joined CoDA about 14 years ago after I asked my husband to leave because he was a sex addict. I had two young children and had been devastated to finally recognize that his behaviors were getting so bad that we could not have him in our home. It was a painful time of great uncertainty. Telling our kids that my ex was not treating me with the love and respect I needed was not all that helpful to them.
When I went to my first meeting, I was afraid there would be homeless people and alcoholics! This is how green I was to recovery and how judgmental I was!! I also thought that I had nothing to do with the downward spiral of my husband’s behavior. It took me getting a wonderful sponsor and doing the 12 Step workbook to open my eyes and understand how I had hidden my head in the sand and tried to fix and control while our marriage was crashing.
I never missed my meetings. I went every Sunday to our local church in NYC on the West side to hear and share stories. I “CAME to believe ” that it was a process. I also heard my Higher Power through the honest and painful shares of the members in our group. My ex got his own kind of help, and though I wished he would have attended 12 Step meetings, I knew I could not control that. He never came back to me and found another girlfriend very quickly.
It was so hard for my kids and me but as time went by I got strong in my recovery and kept the focus on myself and now I am grateful he did not return. In the midst of this my oldest told us he was transgender (this goes back many years before it was well known) so we received another tidal wave of craziness. Thankfully my ex and I always were able to communicate concerning our children. My youngest became “the good boy, the good student” and later in life (he is now 21) had his own issues with alcohol and pot. He is now in rehab and I have learned to keep my distance and use my program to let him find his own path in life. Not one that I expected of him. The 12 Step program is a daily program with every day showing me what I can and cannot change with the wisdom I have received from this amazing program. I am grateful every day for CoDA and waking up to myself.
Tina S – 3/17/20