The global and local phenomenon of the pandemic has provided me with some challenges and lots of food for thought.
I am finding that there are two areas in particular—which I’ve had to work on a lot in my CoDA recovery journey of the last eight years—that are currently extra challenging to maintain but I feel extra important for me to maintain. Those areas are 1) boundaries and 2) moderating my tendency to catastrophize.
Ironically, my physical immune system is important right now, but as I have been encountering people recently (especially, it seems, people not in 12 Step Recovery) and as we have neighborly conversation it has occurred to me that boundaries are like an intellectual, emotional and spiritual immune system. For me, it’s even more important that my spiritual immune system is strong. What good is my physical health if my serenity is gone? For I still remember how sick I felt, physically, before recovery, when in fact it was a spiritual malaise at the root of my turmoil.
My boundaries are like my skin: when healthy and functioning properly, they are able to let in the useful (even if I don’t always “like” what is useful) and keep out what does not serve me.
I realize I have felt uncomfortable, perhaps even triggered, by some folks I have encountered recently. I think perhaps there is an obsessiveness and an emotional unavailability that reminds me of the addicted caregivers from my childhood, that is my best guess.
In any event. I put a personal spin on the Serenity Prayer and I have been repeating this version a fair bit lately. It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things outside of my control, courage to meet the demands of reality, and the wisdom and clarity to know what that reality actually is.”
In this moment, I choose to believe I am resting in the hands of a loving higher power.
Grateful for CoDA,
L. – 3/18/20