How can I trust my emotions, thoughts, and innermost feelings when everything is so saturated with codependency?
How do I know if it’s live, or if it’s a seemingly endless recorded playback from something that was over 50 years ago?
How do I trust myself again?
How do I trust my thoughts?
How do I know if it’s coming from my Higher Power, or from yet another angry and disgruntled core issue?
How do I trust that a person is safe or unsafe when my triggers react to everyone as if they post the same threat?
How do I overcome this?
I pray that my Higher Power and my program of codependents will help me to be able to tell the difference, as well as teaching me to learn to trust what I’m feeling about people, places, and things. CoDA is helping me to learn to trust if what I’m feeling is accurate and not some pre-recorded replay of the same past dysfunctional decisions, which always lead to the same results. Not by choice, but rather out of instinct and being drawn to the familiar, while simultaneously being repelled by the unfamiliar.
I pray I can stay on the path of right-thinking to finally be able to open up to go beyond my comfort zone. I am learning to sit with my feelings to analyze them before I react from being triggered by trauma from the past. I feel this usually has gentler, softer results than when I act impulsively from my reptile brain. I’m grateful that such a program exists and I can’t wait to meet my future CoDA-Caramelized-Self.
Thank you for reading my story,
Pamela W. – 9/09/20