I had a plan. I knew what I wanted. It was important to me. Things were not coming together well. I needed to speak up – not abandon myself (again). State the facts. Speak my truth. Live with the consequences.

I cannot control others, only myself. My CoDA recovery tools were knocking on my door. I knew what I needed to do. My people-pleasing defect runs strong and deep. I have to work so hard to overcome it. Day by day, sometimes moment by moment. I had to have a hard, honest conversation with my friend. It sounded so simplistic. I wanted to purchase a doll at a specialty store for my granddaughter by myself. My friend invited herself to come along. I had made subtle suggestions about going alone but not been forthright. It was so easy to rationalize in my head, “What’s the big deal? I’m being silly to not just go with the flow.” But truth is it WAS a big deal — to me. I’d planned this event for months. It was an intentional stop during my 2-week trip. It wasn’t just a purchase. It was an experience, an event, a story to share one day. The store is 600 miles from home. Now and only now was the time to speak up.

I wanted to call my sponsor but had no privacy. I sent her a brief text and she quickly responded with encouragement. I prayed to my Higher Power for wisdom and calmness. My heart was racing. I had to speak up.

The conversation went so well! God gave me the right words to say. No hard feelings. My heartbeat began to slow down. Serenity flowed throughout my body. I was so relieved and joyful. I was living Promise 12, “I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.”

So today is the day I’ll go shopping. I will embrace the mountain drive enjoying the autumn foliage. I feel light and free. Promise 3, “I know a new freedom” has come to life! I was brave. I was courageous. Learning and living the program is the only way for me.

ALJ 10.16.22