The peace of mind that having a love, a relationship gives me is a pseudo security. It doesn’t belong to me!

As my sponsor says, “Whatever has the power to make you happy also has the power to make you unhappy when it’s gone.” I believe that this is how I can define codependence and my current sentimental state. Of course, I have to admit to all the missing and crying after a breakup.

The bad thing is to live the catastrophe that I have come through – in a loop, moreover, where I don’t feel as if I’m fit, enough, recognized, or deserving of being loved. In conclusion: my sentimental life is over, and I will be deprived of that delicacy of giving and receiving affection, understanding and reciprocal love from a partner because my relationship is over. That I can identify just for today.

This catastrophe extends to every relationship because of my relationship with codependence. There is no other secretary, there is no other accountant; my work will be exhausted, my resources will be diluted. These thoughts go around in my head and to this day they fill my days.

Certainly, many things that have happened have hurt, marked and left a scar. But today, I’m still alive and standing!

Could it be that there is a path that leads me to recover my faith – in life, in me, in the love that everyone possesses? It must be what excites people, what wakes them up every day. Then suddenly, one day, I wake up serene, just as a small ship, caught in a storm, roiling and floundering, ever more lost in the deepening dark, when suddenly it boiled up and wow – it emerged from the depths into a serene sea.

There will always be storms. The sea is known to have mysterious places and high tides. But I do let myself be led by an expert Higher Power!! Yes, the same one that caused the ship to boil back up. With the oar of the Twelve Steps, I can sail the seas openly with the certainty of surviving while the storm passes. Every storm passes.

Liliana 7/3/2023