Hello my name is Ravyn and I’m codependent.
In December of 2022 I attempted to take my own life and nearly succeeded, I felt hopeless. I had convinced myself I was not built for this world, I couldn’t understand what I did to deserve the isolation and abandonment I was going through. I thought I had dedicated myself to my wife, kids and loved ones, I worked hard, was faithful, and prioritized them over me even after being cheated on.
Even after the separation we were very cordial, I wasn’t out for revenge, I just wanted peace. As things progressed I found myself growing increasingly frustrated, do I not deserve love after everything I sacrificed?
In CoDA I have now come to realize the error of my actions, I was using love, time, and money as a transaction to get affection and assurance. I neglected myself and forced that responsibility on everyone around me in an attempt to feel needed. I wanted power over their emotions to satisfy my own because I didn’t know how to love myself, how can I expect anyone to love me if I don’t love myself. That is why I am in CoDA and on this journey, I want to be compassionate towards others without the need for something in return, to love myself.
Ravyn H. 8/31/23