I feel sad. Tired. A bit overwhelmed. Old at 82. I cry often. At night, going to bed. When I wake up in the morning. Some in broad daylight.

Stressed. Wife has a new ankle. Recovering better than me with my new knees. Something tells me not to compare.

Sad that so many friends are dying, and knowing we are in our overtime. Favorite brother-in-law just died after brief bout with pancreatic cancer. His wife/my sister hasn’t communicated with me for years, at her request.

I just set my twin some boundaries around politics, religion and some other triggers for me. And I’m turning our relationship or lack of over to God. (And my inner critic is scolding me for awkward wording).

I could go on and on and on, but… (Just took a three-hour nap). And lost my train of thought – normal for this eldering man.

Wife just told me a 50-year-old family friend now has pancreatic cancer. Damn. Bad things happen to good people. Thank God I have CoDA. I pray. Call my sponsor. Share good and bad. Call some CoDA program friends.

Step Nine promises happen. Wife is healing. I’m still healing. Grieving. Grateful for God’s plan. Part of my CoDA recovery is sharing my story. It keeps getting better and better. So, I keep coming back. It works when I work it. And I am worth it.