Hi, I’m Mathew M. A grateful recovering codependent. I joined CoDA about two and half years ago. This was during a very difficult time in my life as I was in the throes of a failing marriage. Things had been going downhill for years, however, this became much more evident once I joined 12-Step recovery about 7 years ago. In sobriety I was desperate not to lose my marriage and had to face the consequences of the pain and hurt I had caused in my years of addiction. In true codependent fashion I flipped from being controlling and insisting that we make the marriage work to being a complete doormat. For the next few years I accepted unacceptable behavior from my wife due to fear of change and guilt about the hurt I had caused her when I was in my addiction.
As a child I grew up in an alcoholic home and one of the things I learnt was denial. Denial kept me safe from accepting the reality of how bad things really were at home and when I grew up, in my marriage. I was in so much pain and anguish my AA sponsor suggested I find another program. That’s how I ended up in CoDA. Within weeks of starting my step work I was able to garner the courage I needed to ask for a separation.
Over the last two years CoDA has completely changed my life and how I interact with people. Through my weekly meetings with my sponsor and doing the recovery work I have started to see myself in a new light. I now have much better relationships with family and friends where I am able to be authentic.
They say the work never ends in 12-Step programs and I look forward to uncovering, discovering, and discarding more of my codependent patterns.
Mathew M. 7/30/2023