Co-NNections Recovery Stories

Why Am I Not Fixed Yet? – May 16, 2023

I have recovered in the rooms of Adult Children of Alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, SLAA & CoDA. I could ask ‘why so many Anonymous-es?’, but no not today! God & CoDA teach me lamenting over the ‘Why me’s’ area waste of my time. Besides, I ‘gotta’ get on with this business of loving on CindyAnn!

My Higher Power, God, fills most of my days with joy and peace! I still, perhaps like many of us humans, cry and wrestle with the tough times of living in this world. But recovery is real; real hard & really attainable!

God is faithful! Codependents Anonymous, several brilliant doctors, family, friends, churches, Lady CindyAnn, and Little Girl CindyAnn are ALL the reasons I walk in healing from the shame and excruciating pain of being sexually molested and emotionally abused from a young, young age.

CoDA teaches this truth – Promise 12: “Gradually I experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.” Joyfully most days, and gradually on others. CoDA reminds me to ‘Keep On Keeping On!”

My recovery journey began in Tennessee in 1989. Today, 30-plus years later, living in Florida, I am blessed to call our Tuesday night Clarity CoDA meeting my CoDA home group!

I desperately needed CoDA years ago. From the start, unequivocally, my primary addiction was unhealthy and pseudo-loving relationships. I had to have a romantic partner, or I could not function. I lived for intrigue, flirting, recovery-dances. The sickness went on and on. Wherever I traveled, I carried CindyAnn’s empty relationship toolbox.

Yes, I drank like a crazy person. Today, God and I have found 32 years and 313-days of sobriety from booze. God’s Grace, Love, & Mercy healed me from bulimia. Today, gluttony happens. That’s when hopefully I seek the love and guidance of God and my support team.

With God and CoDA hopefully I smell a toxic relationship, and run the other direction. Today, God’s love has blessed me with nearly 23 years of marriage to a holy, loving, and sexy husband; our beloved son, and a life I used to only dream of! All the above is easy to type, but I know that nothing in my recovery journey was easy. I was shame-based. I had no idea how to love precious CindyAnn back from trauma, a life of darkness and sin, and debilitating anxiousness and depression.

My recovery is indeed a JOURNEY!

I hope my story encourages another to take Step One and begin opening up to the everlasting love of God. I will keep coming back…it works…if I work it!

CindyAnn 03/23/2023

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