I am a recovering codependent who was in a long-term partnership with an addict. I recently began writing poetry verses to capture that experience. Below are two that deal with my patterns:

Bamboozled

My eyes are open, there is no denying the clues

My gut sends a flash warning— things are not copacetic

I finally trust myself again, but one conversation with you and the cunning deflection of your word salad leaves me questioning, wondering, as you masterfully plant that seed of doubt

Suddenly I’m not so sure, I watch myself bending reality to make room for your stories

You look so earnest as you artfully dismiss the clues I so carefully pieced together

You flip the script to draw me in

I said it wouldn’t happen this time, I thought my clarity couldn’t waiver, but I feel so disoriented…I move slowly, trying to shake off the brain fog

As the haze lifts, I can’t help but smile

You fool, you fell for it

I’ve been bamboozled once again

From a Distance

From a distance the pain eases

I feel steadier, the spring returns to my step and I’m no longer living on your edge

 From a distance I can almost forget

The memories of your betrayal don’t buzz quite as loudly, even though the sting from your bite still lingers

 From a distance is it easier to forgive

The details get blurry and the collateral damage not quite as acute

From a distance I piece myself back together

I recharge, reclaim the peace I’ve so desperately longed for

From a distance I feel a sense of peace

I start to daydream about another outcome

From a distance I can almost convince myself that things might change

I see a path forward if only you would take that pivotal step

 From a distance I start to lean in, looking for a pathway back to you

Ouch! Ok! That’s right… now I remember why I’m loving you from a distance

Nicole T 10/28/2023