For a large part of my life I felt I had a fuzzy outline. Reading through old journals as I work through my Step 4 inventory, I realized I was constantly looking to other people, places, or things to define me and give me value. I was so lost. When I joined CoDA, I began building that sense of self, one feelings-check at a time. Learning to identify feelings filled in the fuzziness, and pretty soon I discovered boundaries. Parts of myself finally had clear definition. How exciting that was!
All I had to do was be and express the person inside those boundaries. To be myself and do the next right thing is all that my higher power asks of me. In fact, it is my responsibility to life, to be ‘me’, and I take that job seriously. I ask myself ‘what do I want?’, ‘what do I need?’, ‘what can I give freely?’. It’s not completely straightforward, sometimes I don’t know, but at last I can admit to not knowing and be ok.