I remember first being introduced to CoDA several years ago. I had recently gotten married after only knowing my boyfriend for six weeks. A week after we got married, my father died from an alcoholic-related heart attack. Then I learned that my new husband had relapsed on cocaine after years of sobriety. I had only been sober for a year and a half and cocaine had been my drug of choice. It felt like the world was crashing in all around me.

As I began attending CoDA meetings regularly I was saddened at first to learn that I couldn’t change anyone and that I had to learn to change myself. But in time I would come to be so grateful for learning the tools of the program and knowing that any true change has to come from within. I decided to leave my husband after a few months and began therapy regularly as well as attending 12-step meetings for alcoholism and codependency. I am still not in a relationship as each time I have attempted I fall back into my old ways of not protecting my boundaries and not trusting my intuition.

But the miracle is that I am able to be on my own now—but not really alone since I have support from the women and CoDA that is far more real and valuable than the toxic relationships I used to be searching for. I’m no longer willing to accept sex in the place of love. Thanks to CoDA, I will wait until I am truly ready and I’m no longer desperate when it comes to having to have a man in my life.

Penny F