After more than 3.5 years in CoDA I decided I could face getting my Adoption Disclosure documents.  I applied in early June and got them this week (last of October).  I was really excited to see them. 

My biggest question was “how many foster homes did I live in?”  Well, the answer turned out to be only 1 but I was alone in the hospital for 10 days. 

There was a letter accompanying the Record indicating that much of the contents could be triggering and difficult to read but I had to remember the environment into which I was born (the fifties).  Being the cocky person that I was about my adoption, I thought “I’ll be fine, I know and have met my biological mother, full brothers and half-brother.  I know who my father was (although he was deceased) and met two of his brothers.  I also have been told the story of why I was given up for adoption.” 

After 3.5 years in CoDA, I thought “I can handle anything.” 

Wrong. 

I powered through what I could read of the 52-page document on Thursday.  I found out when and where I was born as well as my birth weight.  That was huge to me.  But I also read about how much my mother didn’t want me, how embarrassed she was to be pregnant, how she hid and did everything she could to disguise her pregnancy, how conflicted she was while pregnant.  Then I read about how terrified my adopted parents were of me, how they had no idea how to deal with a baby and had to hire a nurse to help.  

I was feeling very unsteady and sent messages to my CoDA Buddies about how confused I was feeling, and one wrote: 

“Liz, you are deeply loved, truly wanted, and thoughtfully chosen by many.” 

I never cry but I started blubbering like a baby when I read that. 

CoDA has been very important in my life, putting me in a position to look at where I came from and how I got here.  It has given me courage and succour when needed.  It has given me lifelong friends who I cherish.  

I will be forever grateful to my sister and my daughter who pushed me in this direction. 

Liz S 

October 2024