HEALING THE "WOUNDED INNER
CHILD"

I
started my Co-dependency recovery approximately a little over two years now. I
wasn’t new to the 12-Step Program. I had been involved in the AA Program since
February 1983. Although I worked this program to the best of my ability at this
time, I now see that I was not completely honest with me. I was married to a
recovering person at this time. I did not have my complete recovery in focus and
wanted to assist another person in recovery as well. At this time, I did not
know anything about co-dependency. Now I can see how my behaviors/attitudes
contributed to my poor relationship skills. I am not trying to blame myself
here. It is just a fact that I recognize at this time.

Approximately
three years ago, after a divorce (2nd), I discovered I needed the support of
CoDA. I didn’t just seek out my first CoDA meeting. It was upon the advice of a
therapist who has done the deep inner healing work himself suggested that I
might want to try attending a CoDA meeting. At first, I fought him and myself. I
thought that AA was all that I needed. After all I had admitted that I was a
recovering alcoholic and was attending Alanon meetings at this time, learning
about feelings. I am still involved in individual therapy at this time. I am
learning to look at what I am feeling, what does it remind me of, and what is
the purpose now for thinking like this, and is it effective at this moment to
solve my problem(s). I have such a "critical parent" (judge) inside
myself that when I am doing what I know to be right, sometimes this
"critical parent" gets really loud and tries to discourage me about
feeling OK or talking with my sponsor or reading 12-Step literature or spiritual
literature. I am beginning to understand that the loud, accusing voice, is my
disease (dis-ease) yammering at me. How to get it to leave or become quiet? At
first, it was quite a struggle. Now, I just recognize that this is the dis-ease.
I try to focus on what I am doing right at the moment and try to tell myself
that I am a most love Child of God, filled with Light and Love and I have a
purpose and am traveling my journey’s path Home.

Sometimes
it works and sometimes I can still let the dis-ease get a hold of me. It’s
getting easier though to recognize when this is taking place.

I see
now that my "inner child" was damaged at a very early age and I lost
me at a very young age. I learned how to hide in a number of ways from what I
was truly feeling in order to survive growing up in a dysfunctional home filled
with craziness due to alcoholism and insanity. I can remember feeling how did I
get put into this family…maybe the hospital made a mistake…maybe they got
the babies mixed up somehow. This just couldn’t be the family where I was
supposed to grow up. Talk about screwed up thinking at such a young age!! Other
times I used to have thoughts about being transported by aliens here on this
earth plane and they dropped me of at the wrong destination! I know this sounds
really weird, but perhaps some of you other recovering co-dependents may have
experienced similar feelings…we don’t know if we don’t share our feelings. By
sharing our strengths, experiences and hope, is how we all recover into healthy,
whole human beings. I heard from someone that we are all Spiritual beings who
are having Human experiences! I truly agree with this statement. It feels right
in my soul.

Well, I
have rambled on long enough. Sometimes I can go off in tangents. I hope my
sharing of myself has helped someone else. I know just by writing this it has
helped me gain my perceptive and clarity into myself. Thank you so much for
allowing me the privilege to share with you.

May the
Eternal Force of Your Being move you along your journey’s path to living joyous
and happy lives!

Marie