[email protected]

I’m answering the CoDA web page info e-mail address
comments/questions at the moment. I thought I’d share this message that I wrote today.

Thank you for your comment to the CoDA info web e-mail
address. It does take a lot of effort and courage to be willing to get help.

I’ve been in CoDA for almost 9 nine years. When I went
to my first meeting, I was terrified and in tremendous pain. If it hadn’t been for that
pain, I wouldn’t have gone and I wouldn’t have been willing to change. I heard something
in those meetings that I didn’t have and that was hope. I heard people say they had been
where I was and they obviously didn’t look or sound like they were there any more. I
wanted that and despite my fear and my pain, I was willing to keep going. I surprised
myself by that as I am not a ‘group’ person. In meetings, I heard about things I could do
to change myself. I didn’t have any idea what recovery was and couldn’t have told you, but
I kept going back. It took me almost two to three years before I started feeling
comfortable in the meetings. I heard a lot of things I thought were total bull, but I can
look back and realize that was about me. I’ve listened to people try to define recovery
and what that is. I’ve heard people judge other’s recovery and have done that myself. We
are all where we need to be.

I’ve seen a lot of people come into meetings one or two
times and then don’t see them again. I have to let that go. I cannot make anyone come to a
meeting and I can’t make a meeting be all things to all people. All I can do is work my
program to the best of my ability, work to get what I need out of the meetings, and
support the process by attending and doing service work.

I realize there are less healthy meetings out there.
There are a lot of disconnected meetings that haven’t had contact with National in a long
time. We are working to update our meetings and get people reconnected. We can only do so
much. Others have to be willing to do their part.

National has a convention every other year. The next one
will be in 2000. There are many retreats offered around the country (many of which are
listed on the CoDA web page). There’s one in Georgia this weekend. We need people who are
willing to do things on a National level. I find working with National people to be a
positive experience. I find that there are a lot of people with some great recovery there.

Some meetings are "better" than others. I’ve
seen meetings change too. They go through cycles because the people who attend the meeting
change themselves and people come and go for a variety of reasons. I left Baton Rouge 4
years ago but I’m still active in CoDA–most of them probably don’t know that. I guess
what I’m trying to say is if someone doesn’t connect with a meeting on one visit that
doesn’t mean there isn’t any recovery there. It can take time to develop a relationship
and it often says more about where I am than about anything else. I do realize there are
some dysfunctional meetings out there. We all have to trust in our Higher Powers that what
is supposed to happen is happening. CoDA never promised me that I wouldn’t be in pain or
that there would never be any more struggles in my life. What it showed me was that there
were different ways to handle these things than the way I was handling them and that I can
protect myself. I have choices today.

I’m not sure if I’ve given you anything that you can
relate to here. I hope so, but I know it was good to write it. It helps me to say and
write these things, as it imprints it deeper into my brain.

I’m kind of enjoying doing this. I’m on the outreach
committee (that’s the committee that answers the messages–among other tasks). We’re
working to update all of the meeting lists (not an easy task) and to get meetings
reconnected.

There are a lot of projects going on. If you’d be
interested in working on this committee, let me know and I’ll pass it on.

Karen G.