Love, Support and CoDA

Through
love and the support of CoDA, I have learned some astounding things about the
God of my understanding, others and myself. 
My wounds are a part of me that have been forced to live dark and
fearful silence.  They hurt and struggle to get out.  They bruise in
an attempt to reach light and healing yet can be the greatest source of my
strength.  I’m working to no longer believe the inner and outer voices
demanding that fear needs to be hidden, run from and avoided.   My wounds
and fear need to be spoken to and about with clarity, kindness and
resolve.  I’ve been aware, during
meetings, feeling awkward making eye contact while sharing.  I’ve felt
awkward and afraid during the social time afterwards.  My fear tells me
other people are judging and rejecting me. A wiser place in me says,
“Maybe my greatest fear is the power to speak my truth others need to
hear.”  Maybe I fear loving connection more than rejection.”  So, I began to work on this at meetings.  I prayed out loud at the beginning of my
share and spoke about my fear.  I requested time limited support from CoDA
members.  AND MY FEAR IS HEALING!! 
I realize, deep in my heart, that most people want to feel safe and
comfortable inside themselves, moment by moment.   So, when someone
chooses to connect with me, or not, they are doing so to care for and comfort
themselves.  I see another person’s
choice is never “caused” by me.  It mostly has nothing to do
with me! When I fear rejection in a group, I now take a breath, and see that
most people in our group also fear rejection.  So we are together in this.
God is urging me to be bold and walk directly to my fear.  I no longer
allow codependent comfort – and fear of rejection – to be my prison.  I can be bold and brave.  I must cultivate my conscious contact with
God.  I can feel and see God’s gifts in my life, with gratitude.  I
have faith that God will nurture me when I’m feeling lonely and separate from
others.  When I am with people, I feel my
body, breathe, concentrate and listen deeply.   Through this, I see and
feel my connection to another person, and ask myself:  “Is this
person good for me?   Will this situation benefit my highest good?”
 If yes, I choose to connect with an equal partner.  If no, I release
from this person without judging, knowing God will take care of us both.  THANK YOU CODA!

 Linda
R. (2013)