REVELING IN RECOVERY

(Poems and Thoughts on the experience of codependency and recovery)

by

Kristine S.

ADDICT

Being with her

Was like an alcoholic

Sitting in a

"Whine" cellar

IT WILL HEAL

I asked the Lord

To heal this friendship

To make it healthy

To make it whole

I never guessed

To heal this friendship

The Lord would have me

Let you go

PUZZLE

Holding you

Healed me

And destroyed me

All in the same

Touch

At least

In looking at

All of the

Broken pieces

I made myself

Whole

In putting them

Back together

CODA MEETING

Sometimes

We look

Upon our pasts

And see lives

That seem

Mishapen

Then we look

Around

At each other

Now

And see growth

And healing

Happens

MY OWN

I need to stop

Trying to heal your past

Pouring myself into you

Trying to stop your pain

I need to stop

Trying to heal myself

By healing you

I need to not be afraid

To begin to heal

My own past

Not yours

Begin to heal myself

TRUE LOVE

"I love you"

I told my friend

My heart and soul

I did extend

"Then I asked

How can I share

And show you that

I really care?"

She just smiled

Her knowing way

"There is one thing

You can do today"

I was prepared

To offer help

But then she said

"Just love yourself"

DETACHING

How wonderful it was

To dive deep into your soul

Swimming through

Golden, fluid

Irridescent warmth

Drinking deep

Liquid light

How painful it was

To pull myself out

Into the cold

Dripping wet

Shivering

But had I stayed

I would have drowned

I was so angry

At her

For so long

At all that she had

Done to me

Until I realized

I let her do it.

I’m feeling a need

To fill up my days

With ANYTHING

But you

I need to

Make my own life

Bigger

Than what

You were to me

Maybe it doesn’t matter

As much

Why you left me

What matters now

Is that

I know why

I needed to

Leave you

NEW FRIEND

I remember the freedom

The deep sigh of relief

When I learned, when I realized

I wasn’t going to be obsessed

With you……..Ever

That you’d quietly be my friend

Without passion or fan-fare

I also recall the terror

When I realized

I wasn’t going to be obsessed with you

I’d have to be your friend

On my own wits and energy

Not relying on the rush of chemistry

The driven passion to be

Everything to you

Madness as the motivator

But driven only by simple service

And love…

To push myself forward

Day by day

Completely sober

In the hands of God

May the Lord forgive

Our weaknesses –

We didn’t know

What we were doing

I do now.

EMERGENCE

Always remember

Through diligence

Out of the madness

Comes brilliance

Kristine S.