I have felt a profound fear most of my life. This fear came from growing up in a
dysfunctional and abusive family. I experienced much neglect as a child. When I
was young my mother left me with my violent father and I didn’t see her for a
year. This left me with a huge hole inside. I was desperate for love, approval,
affirmation and reassurance. I have only just started to realize that this hole
has been running my life. I have been looking for other people to fill this hole
and when they don’t I feel resentful. I am just beginning to understand that my
Higher Power is the only one who can help to fill me up on the inside. Someone
at a meeting recently talked about their ‘god-shaped hole’. This hole is just
the right size for God to fill. Being only a new member I am still struggling
with getting to know my Higher Power. I used to think of God as scary, angry &
controlling, however, at meetings people talk about God as being loving, kind,
understanding & accepting. I want to find such a Higher Power in my own life. I
guess that willingness is the first step.