It came about a day following a long talk with my 23 year old daughter. I was
explaining why I didn’t keep touch with my retarded twin brother. I last saw him
about 22 years ago.
I explained that he had many emotional problems; he couldn’t relate to his
family very well at all. In fact, his irrational demands and occasional physical
violent behavior led my sister and I to cut all ties over 20 years ago. I
explained that I don’t know if that was the right thing to do, but .. that’s
what was done. I don’t miss him, I may never see him again, and that’s ok. I
have a feeling that he has been reasonably happy in the years since we stopped
communicating. You see, he’s a charming guy, who can relate to others on his own
terms.
My problem has been dealing with the tremendous guilt that I harbored for so
very many years. I felt that no one really would understand how I could just cut
all ties with a twin.. a handicapped twin. ..

I was driving through upstate NY after visiting my sister and friends. My
sister, by the way, lost touch with my brother years before I did. I stopped in
the town where he probably still lives. Not a town, really, but a metropolitan
area of over a quarter of a million people.

I was there for no more than an hour. I spoke with three people. I saw no more
than 50 people during my brief stopover on the way home to Long Island.

Two strangers I spoke with were employees at the check out counter. The third
actually came up to me while I was shopping. Her name was Michelle. She tapped
me on the shoulder. She asked if I had a brother.. a twin? I said yes. She
mentioned my brother’s name. I said yes. She told me she thought so.. that we
two looked so much alike. I asked "how is he doing?" She replied that she hadn’t
seen him in nearly 10 years; she worked at a community residence at the time,
and got to know him pretty well." But that was 10 years ago…" That is when I
told her I hadn’t seen him in 20. I mentioned about his behavior that was so
unmanageable.. how his demands were so bizarre and his behavior at times
violent.
She said two words that I never dreamed anyone would say to my behavior towards
my brother. Michelle said "I understand." I told her I thought she may be the
only person in the World who did. After all, most considered that I abandoned
him.

I’ve shared that story to a couple of groups. I’m still reeling from this tiny
woman (about 5′ tall) who came to me and tapped me on the shoulder. Higher
Power? … Yep.. I’m convinced…

Funny thing was that during my explanation to my daughter about why I haven’t
kept touch with my brother I mentioned that that could change. I told her that
I’ve changed a great deal in the past year, and that one day I may be ready do
stop by and say "hello" to that brother of mine. I feel no deep urge to do so ..
Michelle confirmed my feeling that my brother has found happiness and security
in an environment which probably never required me, his brother.