Co-NNections Recovery Stories

Amends.

 

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Amends


I
have heard people in the program complain about others owing them
amends. When the other person admitted their wrong doing and vowed to
change the amends were not accepted because they didn’t say they were
sorry.

Is saying, “I’m sorry” an amends? Or is there a lot more to it.

Webster’s definition for Amend (on the internet);
1: To put right
2a: to change or modify for the better
2b: to alter, to reform oneself
Synonym – correct

My
first sponsor told me it was not important whether the person I was
making an amends to accepts them or not. What was important was that I
made them. Making amends is about cleaning up my own side of the
street. It is not about getting anyone to like me. It is about becoming
responsible for my behavior. It is about cleaning up the messes I have
made to the best of my ability.  I need to state my boundaries and
hold them, not try to run someone else’s program. Whether someone else
makes amends to me or not is their business not mine. I need to focus
on myself and my recovery, not on what I think someone else
should do.

R.M. (1998)

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