In recovery from codependency I discovered the patterns I learned long ago that
prevent me from being authentic and allowing the unmet emotional needs of my heart
to be met. First, I would anticipate what others wanted or needed and then I would
accommodate those needs. If my needs were in conflict, I would acquiesce to the
other person’s wants and needs and abandon myself. As time passed the relationships
became less authentic and I allowed others to dominate my life. I felt useful but
neglected. In Coda recovery I have learned how to practice using the same generous
behaviors to care for own needs and allow myself to receive real love from others.
Now, I anticipate what I may need and prepare for the situations that may be
overlooked by others or myself. I accommodate my own needs at the same time as I
share with others. I no longer acquiesce or abandon myself. True Love requires a
balance. Both parties ideally meet each other’s needs. Without balance we lose our
way in recovery. Steps 6 and 7 have helped me let go of old behaviors and ways of
thinking. Step 8 has enabled me to make amends and be kind to myself and others
while being authentic. Steps 10 and 11 help me maintain my emotional health and
experience God’s grace as I change, recover and let go.

Patricia B. (2012)