Co-NNections Recovery Stories

August 25, 2020

Hello, I just wanted to share that throughout my life I’ve struggled with codependency.  I used to do things for others to make me feel better. It was so bad that I would give into my children out of guilt and remorse for the fact that I was an addict. After getting clean and sober and a lot of reading on codependency I realized how truly self centered I really was. Most of my choices and actions were made on the basis of “how will this make me feel?” 

I used to think: “oh, he’s been through so much…” I instinctively knew that I was not able to watch or feel the emotional upheavals of saying no, without any explanation.  I also learned through Al-Anon that paraphrasing was so valuable. I did not realize that I often was not hearing what the other person was saying. By applying this method to my everyday communication, I am able to say, “what I’m hearing you say is…”

What a difference this has made in my life.  

Setting boundaries was so important in all my relationships. I learned that if I don’t set boundaries with others they will assume that what they say or do is perfectly okay! Learning the different techniques through CoDA and Al-Anon and applying them has made my life—as well as my loved ones’ lives—so much, much more beneficial.  I’m still learning and growing.  I still make mistakes concerning setting my boundaries, but today, I can forgive myself and try to do this the next time I’m placed in these situations. 

Thanks for allowing me to share today.

Best regards,

Deborah T

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