When I got a gut instinct that all might blow up in my family, I started asking what it was I was doing. It started with a book about being a “nice guy.” I am one. That’s essentially a codependent, I thought. When I researched it, it all jumped out and said, Hey, this is ME they speak of!
I’m so gratefully three days into recovery. I reached out to CoDA, and a wonderful guy, Daniel, walked me through some basics. I believe that I was programmed very well when young. An injured Father was abusive, and mother disconnected. My maternal bond appears to have been to my Okinawan Nanny whom at 2 or so, I never saw again. I’ve heard the story over and over. We came stateside and I wouldn’t do anything but mope until one day they put on some Okinawan Music to which I giggled and danced in my play pen. 55 years later in Chinatown, SF I was almost overwhelmed with the joy of the culture. I am attempting now to find life because I no longer wish to fail to LIVE my life. Hope this helps you.
David N. 9/24/2022