Co-NNections Recovery Stories

sometimes_i_just_need_to_keep_my_mouth_shut 98

Sometimes I Just
Need To Keep My Mouth Shut

Sometimes I just need to keep my
mouth shut. I grew up believing that I had to save the world.
Everything was crashing around me, my father’s drinking, my
mother’s silence and denial. I had to keep myself distracted
from the painful reality by keeping myself distracted. As I strip
away my addictions the pain comes back and I can discover the
core reason why I deny myself peace, joy and love in my life.
Many of my addictions are easy to recognize because they are
material, but sometimes it’s hard to notice the seemingly
immaterial ones like words. I was blessed with a great
intelligence and with my codependence I developed a way of
clearly seeing what was going on around me to protect myself from
the inevitable chaos. One way I protect myself and deaden my
internal pain is by telling everyone around me what to do in
their personal and business lives. Somehow if I could make sense
of the world I felt I had a responsibility to fix it or make sure
that those around me understood how to fix it. And of course, my
way was the right way. I have to be gentle with myself today and
know that I develop this habit of putting in my two cents and
making other people take it as a way to distract myself from my
own pain. Today I can check in with myself before I open my mouth
and see if there’s internal business that I need to take
care of, before I start giving someone else a suggestion. I can
check my reasons for wanting to give them a suggestion. Is the
silence painful? Does this situation remind me of a chaotic
childhood moment? I can also let go of what they do with my
suggestion, knowing that their higher power can take care of
them, and knowing that there are more solutions in God’s
imagination than mine.

Today’s suggestion: Because I
deserve the fruits of my intuition as much as others do, I take
more time to make suggestions to myself about what to do, than I
open my mouth to give suggestions to others.

K.S.

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